The Fuzzy Half Of Reality

A story about remembering infinity

When I first came into this world, I could see its fuzzy edges

I could see the wonder of this world and my deep connection to it

But then, slowly but surely, everything became more solid, clear and separated

And every now and then, I would wonder…… whatever happened to those fuzzy edges?

I would catch the odd glimpse of the fuzzy in moments, but my mind would tell me to look away.

I could feel my mind pulling me back into the safety of clarity and certainty……. the call of an ancient part of me that was making sure I’m focused and surviving in the here and now

But I just couldn’t seem to shake that feeling, that part of me that remembers the fuzziness, the blurred lines at the edge of this reality….

So I started pulling at the edges

I felt resistance at first……… but I kept at it and then suddenly, very quickly, the illusion disappeared for a moment

I looked around in wonder for that moment until again very quickly, the mind and the world around me snapped me back into the straight edges

This moment in time was very lonely….. lodged in a half way house between two aspects of reality

And yet I could feel the call of something deeper, something one might call the ‘true self’ or the ‘higher self’ sitting just behind the veil…… so I persisted.

I persisted through many dark nights and difficult moments

A stable life became a roller coaster, I encountered all manner of light and shadow

But for every dark night there came a glorious sunny morning where I felt more connected to myself and the world than ever before

I saw the beauty in the world again

I saw the beauty in my higher self and my human experience

I saw the beauty in the journey

In my family & friends

In all of humanity

In all the being on this place we call home

In the embodied human experience

I began to see the dance that takes place between the clearly defined ‘sharp edged’ half of reality and the infinite ‘fuzzy’ half of reality

That they dance together with beauty and grace.

I witnessed the unseen world and all the support that we have in this strange human experience, hurtling around space on this beautiful earth mother of ours

In that moment I opened up my heart to speak with our Earth Mother and she whispered to me her secrets

She whispered to me and said

Dear beautiful child of mine, the experience called ‘humanity’ and ‘earth’ is a dream we are all sharing.

A dream of duality we are creating and experiencing all at once

It is all perfect as it is

But I want you to remember

That each one of you is a powerful creator of your part of this dream & reality

That you can always choose to create from love instead of fear

I hope that you will do that, and love me unconditionally as I love you

And that you will love and nurture me as I have you

Something stirred within me as I realised…… realised that I wasn’t learning this

I was remembering it

And I remembered that I could create from my loving heart anytime….. and write a new story

That we could all write a new story from a place of love

And I fell in love with this world all over again

I fell in love again with both the joy and the suffering, the tears and the laughter, the connections and the disconnections, the playfulness and the seriousness

I fell in love with the sheer emotion of it all

Seeing it’s fuzzy edges, its endless creativity, its dream like shimmering nature

And I skipped forward with that love in my heart, singing a whole new song of creativity in my life

I looked around and saw the natural world with eyes of love and nurture, I saw the grace in its balance of order and chaos

Joy swelled in my heart as night fell, and I found myself by a campfire with my family and my ancestors

Gazing up at the stars, I saw the endless beautiful expanse of father sky

For hours I lay marvelling at the expanse of the solar system and the galaxy around us

Twinkling lights drifting across the sky ever so gently

In that moment I felt my heart open to the universe

And in that connection came the voice of father sky

He said to me, dear beautiful child of mine, I’ve watched over you and your ancestors in every moment of your story

Every success and every setback

Every new life and the endings of old

I want you to know dear one that I love you more than words could ever say

I’ve witnessed every moment and I am here for you always

When it all feels too much and overwhelming down there on earth, you need only turn your eyes to the sky and remember there is an unlimited expanse of universe here that you are one with

That your experience in the here and now is both huge and tiny all at once

That we are here loving you and cheering you on in every moment

Because up here, we are one, and we are love

And you are one with us too

You simply forgot this so that you could have your very own adventure all for yourself

So you could feel what it is to be separate, sovereign and free-willed

But when that separateness overwhelms you, when you are having your dark night

We invite you to remember that you are one with all that is

That you are loved beyond comprehension here

That you need only open your heart and let it in

And so I opened my heart

And I felt an indescribable powerful love for all that I am, and all that humanity is

I felt the energy of so many saying YES

We love you

Go forward and create life from your hearts yearning

We are cheering you on

Embrace every minute of your experience

The ups and the downs

It’s all exciting and its all loved

And know that we will always provide a hand in the dark, IF you ask for it

Because we honour that your experience is your own

So we only step in when asked

You can ask for help, advice, love, anything

But know that we reside at the fuzzy edges of reality….. so you will have to open to the fuzzyness…… to embrace the imaginative and the silly, the playful and the absurd

Their words rang in me like a bell

Their words rang true

And for a moment

Just a flicker of a moment

I saw the whole picture

I saw myself, all of humanity and every being on planet earth….

The humans, the animals, the plants, the earth, the water, the air….

All dancing together on a tiny sliver of space between Mother Earth & Father Sky

I remembered that we are one

That we are safe loved and loving…. always

On this experience we call reality and life where we are separate and free willed

While being connected to and loved by all things

Just beyond the veil

Around the corner of those fuzzy edges that I had forgotten

For that moment I felt my soul, mind, emotions and body all dancing

I felt the infinite and fuzzy complexity of my consciousness and experience here

The true depth of myself and all beings

It was a glorious moment

A moment of pure wonder

A moment of pure love and one-ness

A moment when I remembered the infinite fuzzy edges of this life

And then slowly…… it faded

I dropped back into separateness

The fuzzyness became clear

The sharper edges of reality returned

And I realised that it needed to be this way so that I could have a clear experience here and now

But that whenever I felt lost and overwhelmed…. hurt or unloved, I could reconnect to the fuzzy to feel the love, to remember who I am at the deepest level…. to come back into love and joy

Knowing I could do this warmed my heart as I sat by the fire….. resting and readying myself for another beautiful, messy, up and down, epic and expansive day in this human life.

💖