When I first came into this world, I could see its fuzzy edges
I could see the wonder of this world and my deep connection to it
But then, slowly but surely, everything became more solid, clear and separated
And every now and then, I would wonder…… whatever happened to those fuzzy edges?
I would catch the odd glimpse of the fuzzy in moments, but my mind would tell me to look away.
I could feel my mind pulling me back into the safety of clarity and certainty……. the call of an ancient part of me that was making sure I’m focused and surviving in the here and now
But I just couldn’t seem to shake that feeling, that part of me that remembers the fuzziness, the blurred lines at the edge of this reality….
So I started pulling at the edges
I felt resistance at first……… but I kept at it and then suddenly, very quickly, the illusion disappeared for a moment
I looked around in wonder for that moment until again very quickly, the mind and the world around me snapped me back into the straight edges
This moment in time was very lonely….. lodged in a half way house between two aspects of reality
And yet I could feel the call of something deeper, something one might call the ‘true self’ or the ‘higher self’ sitting just behind the veil…… so I persisted.
I persisted through many dark nights and difficult moments
A stable life became a roller coaster, I encountered all manner of light and shadow
But for every dark night there came a glorious sunny morning where I felt more connected to myself and the world than ever before
I saw the beauty in the world again
I saw the beauty in my higher self and my human experience
I saw the beauty in the journey
In my family & friends
In all of humanity
In all the being on this place we call home
In the embodied human experience
I began to see the dance that takes place between the clearly defined ‘sharp edged’ half of reality and the infinite ‘fuzzy’ half of reality
That they dance together with beauty and grace
I witnessed the unseen world and all the support that we have in this strange human experience, hurtling around space on this beautiful earth mother of ours
In that moment I opened up my heart to speak with our Earth Mother and she whispered to me her secrets
She whispered to me and said
Dear beautiful child of mine, the experience called ‘humanity’ and ‘earth’ is a dream we are all sharing.
A dream of duality we are creating and experiencing all at once
It is all perfect as it is
But I want you to remember
That each one of you is a powerful creator of your part of this dream & reality
That you can always choose to create from love instead of fear
I hope that you will do that, and love me unconditionally as I love you
And that you will love and nurture me as I have you
Something stirred within me as I realised…… realised that I wasn’t learning this so much as I was remembering it
And I remembered that I could create from my loving heart anytime….. and write a new story
That we could all write a new story from a place of love
And I fell in love with this world all over again
I fell in love again with both the joy and the suffering, the tears and the laughter, the connections and the disconnections, the playfulness and the seriousness
I fell in love with the sheer emotion of it all
Seeing it’s fuzzy edges, its endless creativity, its dream like shimmering nature
And I skipped forward with that love in my heart, singing a whole new song of creativity in my life
I looked around and saw the natural world with eyes of love and nurture, I saw the grace in its balance of order and chaos
Joy swelled in my heart as night fell, and I found myself by a campfire with my family and my ancestors
Gazing up at the stars, I saw the endless beautiful expanse of father sky
For hours I lay marvelling at the expanse of the solar system and the galaxy around us
Twinkling lights drifting across the sky ever so gently
In that moment I felt my heart open to the universe
And in that connection came the voice of father sky
He said to me, dear beautiful child of mine, I’ve watched over you and your ancestors in every moment of your story
Every success and every setback
Every new life and the endings of old
I want you to know dear one that I love you more than words could ever say
I’ve witnessed every moment and I am here for you always
When it all feels too much and overwhelming down there on earth, you need only turn your eyes to the sky and remember there is an unlimited expanse of universe here that you are one with
That your experience in the here and now is both huge and tiny all at once
That we are here loving you and cheering you on in every moment
Because up here, we are one, and we are love
And you are one with us too
You simply forgot this so that you could have your very own adventure all for yourself
So you could feel what it is to be separate, sovereign and free-willed
But when that separateness overwhelms you, when you are having your dark night
We invite you to remember that you are one with all that is
That you are loved beyond comprehension here
That you need only open your heart and let it in
And so I opened my heart
And I felt an indescribable powerful love for all that I am, and all that humanity is
I felt the energy of so many saying YES
We love you
Go forward and create life from your hearts yearning
We are cheering you on
Embrace every minute of your experience
The ups and the downs
It’s all exciting and its all loved
And know that we will always provide a hand in the dark, IF you ask for it
Because we honour that your experience is your own
So we only step in when asked
You can ask for help, advice, love, anything
But know that we reside at the fuzzy edges of reality….. so you will have to open to the fuzzyness…… to embrace the imaginative and the silly, the playful and the absurd
Their words rang in me like a bell
Their words rang true
And for a moment
Just a flicker of a moment
I saw the whole picture
I saw myself, all of humanity and every being on planet earth….
The humans, the animals, the plants, the earth, the water, the air….
All dancing together on a tiny sliver of space between Mother Earth & Father Sky
I remembered that we are one
That we are safe and loved…. always
On this experience we call reality and life where we are separate and free willed
While being connected to and loved by all things
Just beyond the veil
Around the corner of those fuzzy edges that I had forgotten
For that moment I felt my soul, mind, emotions and body all dancing
I felt the infinite and fuzzy complexity of my consciousness and experience here
The true depth of myself and all beings
It was a glorious moment
A moment of pure wonder
A moment of pure love and one-ness
A moment when I remembered the infinite fuzzy edges of this life
And then slowly…… it faded
I dropped back into separateness
The fuzzyness became clear
The sharper edges of reality returned
And I realised that it needed to be this way so that I could have a clear experience here and now
But that whenever I felt lost and overwhelmed…. hurt or in pain, I could reconnect to the fuzzy to feel the love, to remember who we are at the deepest level…. to come back into love and joy
Knowing I could do this warmed my heart as I sat by the fire….. resting and readying myself for another beautiful, messy, up and down day in this human life.
